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I had to write a news story about a non profit organization and this is the critique from my professor/editor: You didn’t include a cover sheet on this story that explains what the story is about and why it’s newsworthy. I’m having a hard time finding any news here. This reads more like a promotional brochure for an organization, rather than a news story that tells readers what is new in the community. There’s a lot of jargon in here that lacks context – what exactly is this group trying to do? Get women jobs? Support women entrepreneurs? I don’t see any examples.
Business reporting can be challenging. You have to get people to explain their work and passion in a way that we can all understand it. These women’s ideas and thoughts aren’t clear enough here.
We also need to provide accurate context. What is the I-81 project? How much will it cost? When is it happening?
I don’t understand this sentence or why it’s in quotes. Who said it? “What does a woman promenade community look like?” A promenade is an open-air walkway. Is that the right word here?
I’m concerned that I wasn’t clear enough last week after our pitch meeting. I didn’t give final approval to this story. I asked you to reach out to me during the week with updates; I never heard from you. I sent you an email Friday but did not get a response.
This story, as it is now, barely merits a passing grade. I tell you that not to upset you – but to let you know how high the bar is. There’s still time to turn things around this summer, but you’ve got to reach out for help.
Think about this: Are these people worried women-owned businesses are going to be cut out of the I-81 project? Are they doing anything about that worry? If you can shape the story that way – hopefully with more reporting – then you’ll be closer to having a news story.